Women as Teachers

Women as friends, women as lovers, women as enemies and obstacles; women as targets, challenges, regulars; women as fountains of pain and joy…

But provided you’re well and truly on the nanpa path, women are simply teachers. And if you look back, you’ll see that they’ve played this role your entire life.

And yes, that means the girl you liked in grade school who found out about it and then made fun of you with six of her friends.

And yes, that means the first girlfriend who cheated on you.

And yes, that means the hot girl who enthusiastically agreed to the date and then flaked without a further word.

And yes, that means all women who’ve ever given you inaccurate information about how to pursue or otherwise deal with them.

Because what all of these women were trying to do, consciously or not, was fine tune you. They perceived something incongruent, and they didn’t like it. They weren’t TESTING you in the sense of a hyper-aware instructor with a pen and a checklist, they just…felt something missing, and they reacted accordingly. They wanted to sand away the weak spots. They wanted to compel you to really pay attention to them, by any means necessary. What their inner self was really saying was something like:

“Figure it out…or not. We’ll respond well when you do. If not…not so much. No, really, CAN you figure it out?”

Human nature follows its own peculiar logic, which sometimes doesn’t seem to make much sense in retrospect, even when we can identify consistent patterns. To some extent, all advice (including this article, however sincerely it was written) is an attempt to describe something that in truth evades description, something messy and constantly shifting. Still, when considered over an extended time period containing numerous interactions, our frames and attitudes will in large part determine how people respond to us.

It goes without saying that women are not the enemy in the game, nor are they something to be “defeated” or “overcome” for bragging rights. Success in terms of sex and relationships will naturally follow as you progress along the path, but your ability to accurately deal with the reality of women will improve too. As will your ability to accurately perceive them for who they are, instead of who you’ve been led to believe they are.

Which brings us to another critical point.

Women are not gay men in women’s bodies.

Whoa, hold up, wut?!

This seems obvious, but you’d be surprised by the number of men who treat women exactly the way they’d treat a male friend who just happened to be temporarily and inconveniently stranded in the body of a heterosexual woman, and then become surprised and confused when things don’t turn out as they’d expected.

“I’d never treat my friends this way or say what she said!”

“I can’t believe she reacted that way!”
“Why did she say one thing and then do another? Doesn’t make sense!”

Yeah, she’s different from you, bro. Not better or worse, but not identical either. Stop trying to 1-1 map your experiences and standards onto hers. And don’t turn into a misogynist either. To start with…

Stop overthinking the details.

You won’t always know why she stopped texting. You won’t always know why she flaked. You won’t always know why she ghosted you after mind-blowing sex. You won’t always know why she was in a bad mood even when everything seemed fine.

Yeah, ghosted you after mind-blowing sex.

Yes, you fucked her for forty-three minutes straight. Yes, you made her squirt multiple times. Yes, she said “kimochi ii!” a lot.

Doesn’t mean she’s going to stick around, especially if you’re not turning her on in other ways.

You may have heard that women’s sex drives are as high as, or higher than, men’s. Whether this is actually the case or not, many men misinterpret this to mean that women’s sex drives must then be higher than theirs in the same way, or in other words, that women’s libido functions the same way theirs does.

But this is clearly not the case.

The male libido is active, aggressive, opportunistic. Emotions are important, but…a fifteen year old boy who’s hopped up on his own hormonal profile will just as soon fuck a sock or a statue as he will get any deep-rooted satisfaction from someone understanding him, or taking him to an interesting place. But the female libido is somewhat different, even without considering the influence of social and cultural factors.

Over-prioritizing the value of great sex is an exceedingly common male mistake. It’s certainly important, and YES YOU SHOULD ESCALATE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, but it’s not the entire picture.

The realization that women are not gay men in women’s bodies is one that comes surprisingly late to many gamers. They may head into reaction mode, making all kinds of essentialist statements:

“Women are hypergamous sluts!”

Women are conformists and only listen to their friends!”

It isn’t difficult to see the wounded reactivity coming through in statements like these. Because who really gives a shit about your cliched judgments? Certainly not women themselves.

We can use mental maps to categorize behavior, but rather than becoming frustrated that reality isn’t according with your expectations, it’s better to view the situation at hand objectively and then simply work out the best way to respond (right action).

So besides your GODDAM PENIS, here are the seven points women tend to value:

1. Congruent agenda. You make shit happen, and lead the interaction.

2. Certainty of frames. You believe your shit in a calm, rock-solid way.

3. Direct, unapologetic action. You don’t hesitate or apologize.

4. Not a slave to your emotions. You are able to perceive the situation with detachment and don’t become reactive even when things don’t “go your way.”

5. Empathy and awareness. You’re aware that her reality differs significantly from yours, yet are able to put yourself in her place and consider what she might be thinking and feeling.

6. Social profile. You exist in a social context and could easily produce (i.e. call up and get out) both high-value men and women, should you choose to do so.

7. Comfort. She feels comfortable and relaxed around you, not like she has to “put on a front.” Remember, if she’s Japanese, she already does enough social playacting at her job and at home! Give her a chance to relax for once.

If you can come out with guns blazing on all seven of the above, you’re more than likely going to be able to get her and then keep her around, should you choose to do so.

So rather than viewing setbacks, flakes, LMR and ghosting as frustrating “bad behavior,” view it instead as simply par for the course. Women aren’t just teaching you your own game, they’re teaching you how you should actually feel and be. Their reactions are making you better, stronger, less reactive. Women are teaching you to be calm, consistent, aggressive, understanding, empathic, dependable, decisive. They’re putting you through an emotional fitness course.

When you head further down the nanpa path, women become the long-term sculptors of your inner emotional reality. This means they take you on a tour of all that it is possible to think and feel about them (and about yourself). And this also means they are constantly educating you…even when it seems they’re behaving “unreasonably “ (because this may be what’s necessary for you to deal with at the time, in order to learn how to better deal with them). The series of small adjustments and improvements over time is what really consolidates game.

So don’t hate them for the pain. Thank them for it. It’s making you better. Really.