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I used to do it a ton.
With a couple days a week for gym, and a few others for going out (either to bars and clubs or for daygame), I still managed to squeeze in probably 4 dates a week during a certain period of my game career. Sometimes I’d cram 2-3 dates in a single day, and other times I’d meet them late after work or gym.
And it was great. I’d go out to restaurants, izakayas, bowling, batting cages, picnics, home dinner dates with wine, ping pong, rooftop terraces, boat cruises, matsuris, hanami viewing, fireworks shows, friends’ music sets, and pretty much everything I could think of.
Dates are, after all, the main way people connect and get to know each other better and forge a romantic connection. They are etched into the collective unconscious through culture and society, with nearly everyone able to relate to typical tropes such as the awkward first few minutes, the deciding whether or not to have another drink, and the magical “first kiss” moment – a hugely hyped second in time where the act of leaning in just a few inches never felt so nerve-wracking, as if you finally got to discover whether you’d just wasted several hours or not.
All in all it was a fun time and I don’t regret it at all. Dates are a total blast and generally how the rest of the world operates, at least romantically. I built a lot of skills regarding holding an interesting conversation, offering up interesting stories and topics, and digging into the reality of the person in front of me. Dating taught me patience, empathy, communication skills, cold reading abilities, and of course, boldness to make a move.
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So why did I stop?
Ultimately, dating (especially several times a week, as I was) ends up taking a large amount of time, effort, money, and coordination over text. Flakes on the same day would ruin my time allotment, leaving my schedule suddenly free, and while I was perfectly capable of coming up with something else I needed or wanted to do, it still didn’t seem like the most efficient way to spend my time or connect with women.
What changed?
Somewhere along the way, I started to realize that I could simply sleep with women the first day I met them. The fabled SNL – same night lay – had caught my imagination. Now, when average guys hear about people pulling SNLs they imagine drunk girls whisked off from clubs – sluts and hoes blacked out and either purposefully putting themselves out to be taken home, or senses dulled to what was happening only to discover in the morning and regret it.
Our society doesn’t really account for the fact that women want anonymous sex, and that more often than not, a far larger segment of (female) society is open to the idea. Perhaps they don’t leave the house with the plan of ending up with a stranger in a love hotel or banging in a karaoke-kan, but when presented with the opportunity in the form of a charismatic man who recognizes them for who they are, leads them effectively and engages them emotionally, and provides no risk to their friends, family, or workplace (who would likely shame them for their desire for casual sex), they might just take them up on it.
My first daytime SNL was a huge rush. I had pulled from clubs and bars before, and to some degree pulling girls in the night time is something that society understands to be possible. The average joe realizes that women go to clubs and sometimes leave with guys they met that night. But the daytime? ABSURD!
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The typical responses and doubts creep in for guys who hear tales of daytime SNLs (or even night time, for that matter):
-They must be ugly
-They must be desperate
-They must be sluts
-They must have messed up relationships with their fathers
-You just happened to be exactly their type
And while some of these may be the case some of the time, the vast majority of women I (and those I’m close with) pull from streets, cafes, bookstores, train stations, department stores, buses, convenience stores, and pretty much anywhere they exist are, by and large, better looking and less of the ‘party girl” type than those people often end up with coming home with from clubs and bars.
Somewhere in the cobwebbed corners of my mind I remember the old joke/observation someone had about the popular video series, “Girls Gone Wild.” Trying to explain the allure and massive popularity of the series over something more straightforward like porn, they casually mentioned,
“Why is Girls Gone Wild so much better than just normal porn, despite showing less? Because porn is just porn stars. They take dicks on a regular basis, and anyone can see it and find them without really any difficulty. It’s their job to do that. But GGW is regular girls, gone wild! They do it because they want to.”
In many ways, this explains several trends in porn itself, such as the massive popularity of amateur home videos, camgirls, “girl next door” types, wife porn, cuckolding, and more. In other words, the regular nature of the girls, the fact that they are not professionally out there riding cocks left and right and instead are doing it because they just want to go wild makes those girls more exciting.
Similarly, while you can find the occasional “good girl” out there in clubs, chances are these girls are the kinds who are getting wasted weekly and going home with different guys. Nothing wrong with that of course, and I will happily take a hot club girl home for a romp. But there’s something extra exciting about bringing a sexual encounter to someone who otherwise had no idea of the possibility before the day. Not a regular, a professional. Creating the opportunity for a normal girl to “go wild”, as it were.
On the streets, you find the normally bookish girl who went to girls’ university and now works tucked away in some lonely engineering firm.
The elegant housewife, married but unsatisfied, wandering the daytime streets of Minato-ku and Omotesando.
The tourist girl visiting from Osaka, wandering around Tokyo with bags full of shopping.
The cosplay chick who spends nights working as a companion in various sorts of attire but is internet-famous.
The jazz singer who performs on stages around the country, but just happens to be free and in the area that day.
While you’ll undoubtedly stumble across party girls and the same types as you’d find in bars and clubs (indeed, they have to walk on the streets to get to those bars and clubs!), your overall range of possibilities is much higher.
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On top of that, most of the hottest girls I’ve ever hooked up with, I only had ONE chance with them, usually the first day I met them. Now, I’m talking about absurdly high-level chicks here. Booked out every day for months, rarely without friends or minders, celebrities or semi-famous girls with entourages, models… you get the idea. You’re welcome to try to schedule dates with these kinds of girls. And sometimes, it can work. Sometimes, it’s the only shot you get. BUT, if you happen to catch one of these girls with an hour or so free time before her next appointment, and you DON’T pull the trigger then and there, I’ll climb down your chimney and throw caltrops on your floor while you’re sleeping because that’s a damn crime. Keep in mind these girls meet dozens, if not hundreds of wealthy, cool, socially savvy and tuned in guys every week. Your five-minute approach on the street with a number close that has you feeling over the moon isn’t likely to stick in her memory as much as pulling and instantly banging her.
“What if she doesn’t have time at that moment?” I hear you ask, “You still wouldn’t date her?”
On a given day of gaming out on the streets, I’ll get anywhere between 5 and 20 new contacts. Often, I never even write them a single message. Most commonly, I’ll mass invite them to parties and events I’m going to and see who turns up. And with the very minor few who make a particularly powerful impression on me and I can’t get out of my mind, then I’ll schedule an actual proper date.
On any given day, I have a pretty high chance of pulling a girl home (or to a hotel, etc) for an SNL. In fact, the critical point at which I stopped dating so much was when I realized that, accounting for flakes on dates and girls not wanting to hook up that day, I have a better chance of hooking up with a girl by ONLY going for an SNL than by scheduling dates at all.
Now I’m not recommending you do this. In fact, for 95% of the guys out there, this strategy would be absurd and impractical. This is something you can only do when you have a massive abundance of girls and a decent ability to go out there and pull girls for SNLs. But I just wanted to share why I stopped dating Japanese girls.
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Of course, the title is a *bit* misleading. In the last month I think I scheduled about 3 dates (all with those girls that I REALLY was excited about) from over 150 new contacts. But despite dating less, I get laid more than ever.
And I just take the girls I’ve already slept with to all those places I want to go to (fireworks, dinner, activities, etc). It’s just easier that way. They show up more often, put out, and we laugh the whole time because the “wall” has already been broken.
What about the rest of those contacts? They get thrown on the reserve list, to be pulled out when a friend wants to throw together a party and needs a bunch of girls to show up, or if I have a particular friend who suits one girl I might try to hook them up. I also periodically hit up a huge chunk of girls (perhaps 50 or so) on a night I’m out to see if they’re also out and want to come hang together. Often, this will lead to a spontaneous “date”.
So in summary:
-Dating is more expensive, takes longer, requires more follow-up over text, often has more things out of your control (illness / change of moods / sudden boyfriends) than simply SNLing her then and there
-Approach more, build huge abundance while at the same time pushing each interaction farther
-Inviting large amounts of girls to one single night or event is a good use of your time and leads to higher chances of hooking up
-Often the hottest & best quality girls are the busiest, so if you catch them with some free time, swing for the fences!!
-All other things held constant, you have more to gain by making a stronger connection sooner rather than later. Sex, of course, builds connection & breaks down barriers between people.
Ultimately, this is the way I’m gaming these days. Live on the streets, go hard in the paint, and pull for the home run.
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