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Alright, so whether you’ve met her on the street or are snacking on broccoli and fondue over dinner, you’re probably always thinking in the back of your mind – how do I escalate things to sex with a Japanese girl? Whereas in the West or other countries, things might be quite natural or instinctive to guys, at least in Japan, many of the normal “rules” don’t apply.
Moving to the Sex Location
The biggest mistake a lot of newcomers to Japan make is trying to escalate on girls in public or somewhere they can’t have sex. I generally keep touching to a minimum when I’m with them in public, and save all romantic moves for private. This helps for many reasons, but the largest of which is if you’re not a lecherous slob in public, she’s much more likely to come into private with you!
The first step is to actually have a sex location planned. The most common are your house or a hotel. But you can get creative with it. A park, a dark alley, karaoke, a manga cafe, an alcove in a club. Whatever suits your fancy! The important part is that you start with the end goal in mind and actually have a sex location planned out in your mental logistical map of your night.
If you’re on a date, after dinner simply start walking towards your desired sex location and walk in. By this point if you’ve been following everything I’ve been telling you about Dad Frame and leading, you should have her happily following you like a little duckling.
As you walk into your place or the hotel, there will often be some sort of moment of realization (unless you’re a sick master at gradually building up to it). She’ll say something like
え、家？
どここれ
And you and your boss Iron Frame just nod and say “yes.” And then walk in. Sometimes she won’t want to come in, and I’ll show how to get around objections and make her comfortable enough to come in in future material, so stay tuned! But for the purposes of this post, let’s keep moving on!
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Pulling the Trigger – Escalation
Yes, “pulling the trigger” is one of the most important parts to a romantic interaction.
Failure to escalate things to sex, and you’ll end up on the outside looking in, and many girls won’t even meet you again. Let me put that in plain English because it’s pretty important.
If you do not escalate the interaction, the girl is very often not going to see you again, especially if you have met her through cold approach.
As for when and how to do it, there’s a lot of advice I can give you, but the most important thing is that you take yourself by the balls and do it. At some point you’re going to have to just kiss the girl and go for it.
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If you’re shy like I was, you’ll probably build this up in your mind too much. You’ll make it into some huge moment where the entire success or failure of the night revolves around her reaction.
If you’ve done this, you’ve already lost.
Instead, think of the first kiss as something to get out of the way. It might not even “work”. She might turn cheek or pull away. And if you’ve built it into a huge moment when she either accepts or rejects you as a man and human being, you’ll likely take that to mean a hard no.
One thing I told myself when I was starting to get more confidence and making moves which were not always accepted and reciprocated was:
the first kiss will be rejected.
Well that sounds rather dreary and defeatist, Sinapse!
Yes, I know. It’s a departure from my usually chronically optimistic mindset. But by treating the first kiss as something that will generally be rejected, you place less importance on that single moment. You just “get it over with.” And a lot of the time, she will sense the fact that you’re cool and not really that caught up or egotistically invested in whether she reciprocates or not, and she’ll accept. If you had been building it up in your mind, she might have rejected. In other words, if you make it out to be a big deal, it becomes a big deal. If it’s just a small thing, she’ll be much more likely to go along.
When things escalate, a really easy way to flip the script with girls is to blame them for the escalation.
Kiss her, then push her away and say something like “そーゆーの辞めてよ！” in a cheeky way.
Trust me, her reaction will be GOLDEN.
But EVEN IF she does reject you despite your iron frame and casual kiss, you’ve already mentally prepared yourself for a temporary setback – you’ve even expected it. So when she gives you the cheek, you’re not phased, just sit back and change up the music, walk out of the room and fix yourself a drink, or pull out some book you’ve been reading.
1. Don’t be phased when she rejects you.
2. Pull away
And then, after a few minutes, once you’ve engaged back with her again and chatted a little more or moved her around, go for the kiss again!
If she turns cheek, kiss her neck!
Many Japanese girls will not kiss you on the lips, but will have sex with you.
Weird, I know. It goes against all logic, and makes you feel a bit like a hooker! But if they have boyfriends or have some sort of strange mental barrier, don’t argue with it – just kiss their neck, escalate and take off their clothes, and proceed to sex without any kissing on the lips.
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To shower or not to Shower
Sometimes Japanese girls will want to shower. They are self-conscious about their body and smell. When I first was getting into game I’d just push for the bang straight away without any shower, thinking time in the shower could cool her off and make her not interested in actually following through with the sex. But actually, showering before sex is pretty common (unless you’re both just wasted enough not to care) and many of the dantier types will want to do it.
So it’s really up to you. You can either tell them “don’t worry about it, you smell great.” And carry on. Or let them take a shower. Or jump in the shower with them and soap each other up!
The main point is not the be deterred or freaked out by her desire to take a shower.
Condoms and Wrapping Up
A lot of Japanese girls will not tell you to use a condom, and won’t say anything if you don’t. I highly recommend you ALWAYS use condom. Feeling burning fire come out your urethra once will let you know why, but take it from me, you do not want to go there. Health is for life (even if many a treatable, they take a lot of heavy drug which are horrible for your body to cure), so you should take care of yourself.
On top of that, you definitely don’t want any surprise babies, and abortions are VERY expensive in Japan. If you have knocked a girl up and you’re sure it’s yours and both of you or even just her decides to get an abortion, do the right thing and pay for your half.
Escalation and Japanese Girls – Final Thoughts
Most of the time, the biggest barrier to sex is that you haven’t bridged the gap between you two enough (established comfort by relating in a normal, social way with her that puts her at ease, and overlapped your two worlds on common ground/feelings) or are making it out to be a huge deal in your head when it’s really not.
If a girl is out on a date with you in Japan, most of the time, sex is on the table. And much of the time, if you don’t provide it, she won’t see you again anyway. RichInJapan once told me,
Always treat it as if it’s the last time you’re going to see her.
And I’ve found that to be some pretty solid advice over the years. If you’re a fighter, you might be familiar with the idea “leave it all in the ring.” Go out there, relate to her like a boss, share yourself, your weaknesses and strengths as they are, dig into her, pull her to a sex location, and make the damn moves.
It really can be that simple.
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I’m curious about where you recommend for the first kiss attempt. You’d mentioned that pda is pretty much a no no, so do you wait until you’re in karaoke or a love hotel to initiate the kiss? IObviously no two situations are the same so generalizations abound.
Sure thing. I usually just don’t kiss her at all or touch her in any sexual way until I get to the sex location – such as a hotel or most commonly, my apartment.