Are you wondering how to avoid rejection and never get rejected for the rest of your pickup and dating career? The way to do this is simple. It just requires a shift in your thinking.
Guys at looking from the outside in or from a beginner point of view often think that success ratios, percentages of rejections vs. bangs, or other such metrics are indicative of pickup success or are the goal.
The reality is that this kind of thinking is not only harmful to you (and your interactions), it’s false.
True pickup is not a binary of “success” or “rejection”. It is merely testing for chemistry. The idea that if you talk to 100 girls and 70 of them don’t come to a date with you that 70% are “failures” implicitly means that you should want to have sex with all of them. This is not true. In reality, you should want to simply approach a girl to test for your affinity with her. You go up to and talk to a girl NOT thinking “How can I get this girl into my bed?” but rather: “This girl seems like she might be interesting. I wonder what she’s about? What kind of energy does she have?”
In short, the mission of pickup ISN’T to rack up numbers and bang lots of girls, it’s to find girls who you have an affinity with. So why talk to lots of girls? Put simply, you’re digging through many girls who you have no interest (or just platonic interest) in and finding the ones who are a great match for you, and you for them.
If you kick yourself after an approach and feel “rejected” it’s because the girl sensed you only wanted an outcome. You weren’t testing for affinity and enjoying the moment with the girl. In short, if you feel rejected it’s because your own beliefs created the feeling of rejection through your wrong view.
The true nampa-shi knows that, no matter the outcome of the interaction, as long as he communicates himself honestly and openly, and creates a mood of relaxation and fun so the girl can relax and communicate herself honestly and openly, that everything else will be taken care of. Attraction will build naturally. After that it’s a simple matter of leading and logistics to put two beings with affinity together.
Imagine you are a quartz collector with two options. One option is to sit at your house and get a rock delivered every day.. It might be granite, sandstone, a ruby, or what you’re looking for: quartz. If a sandstone comes, that’s fine, but it’s not what you’re looking for.
The other option is to leave your house to the nearby mountain, and climb up the path. Along the way there will be many rocks, and while you have to spend effort climbing the mountain, you get many more chances to find the quartz. You aren’t mad if you see a sandstone, you simply don’t bend down to pick it up. But you are happy in the knowledge that you’re exertion and walking up the mountain leads you to many more quartzes than sitting at home and getting a single random rock in the mail every day.
I’m sure you’ve guessed what the analogy means by now. Waiting for your perfect girl to come to you might happen, from your workplace or social circle or just by being a wallflower at the bar and she comes up and talks to you. But it’s a whole lot slower than going out there and finding her yourself. If that quartz never comes in the mail, you might start to look at that granite and think “Well, I guess I’ll never get a quartz, I’ll just try to like this granite instead. It doesn’t look so bad, actually it has its own charm. Not everyone can have a quartz, after all.”
Similarly, it would be foolish on your travels up the mountain to become angry every time you found a sandstone, just as it would be foolish to carry home a bunch of sandstone when you’re actually out there looking for a quartz. Remember that you are merely checking all the rocks out there for the one you like – you are NOT expecting every rock you encounter to be the quartz you are looking for.
In short, “rejection” is only the case if you perceive every single girl as something to be owned or “gotten”. This mindstate comes from a desire to be loved and wanted by everyone, which is understandable, but unreasonable. It arises from an ego that doesn’t want to appear fallible, or imperfect. If you feel this way, you will often feel rejected. But there will always be people who don’t like you, or are simply neutral. But you aren’t worried about them because you’re trying to find the people who you really like, and who like you too.
Finally imagine, that if you are only pure to your intentions about finding a quartz, if only you could temper your anger and worry about finding sandstone or granite or other things you don’t like, that all the other rocks could sense this energy, and they started to roll downhill to you. Many kinds of rocks – granite, etc – want to you to want them and try to get close to you and make you pick them up. But critically, so does the quartz. The quartz sense that you are not merely looking for ANY rock, but a quartz, and the quartz wants to be with a stone connoisseur with your integrity, so it rolls downhill towards you. Imagine that in the past your eyes might have missed some quartz because they were a little dusty and didn’t pop out to you right away. But after enough times up the mountain path, you have the sharp eyes to see the dusty quartz as well, and you realize that it’s what you’re looking for as well.
The longer you walk the path of game, and the better you are at putting yourself out there honestly and the better you get at knowing what you are looking for, the affinity you seek with the specific type of girls you want. Strangely, the less you want to get every girl, the more the girls you really want (and even girls who you don’t want) come to you and make it easier and easier for you to end up with them. It seems almost magical, but actually it’s all communicated in every interaction you have. It’s know as “not being needy”. You need nothing from her, since you are complete, but at the same time, you recognize that the two of you could become something great together and share many beautiful experiences together. But this is predicated on your ability to see her as a human being and not just another target for your ego to fulfill its petty games and desires.
When women talk about nampa as “annoying” or “mendokusai” it’s because the guy who tried to pick her up was not communicating honestly. In other words, he couldn’t see that there was no affinity there, and his ego was too large so he was caught up in trying to bring her home even though the connection wasn’t true. A woman will never think it annoying or reject to meet a guy who is genuinely and honestly interested in her and her world. If you meet a woman with a sense of curiosity, rather than the desire to bring her home, you open yourself to actually meet and end up with the women you truly should be with, and you will never feel rejected.
That, my friends, is making your own destiny.
