One of the greatest misconceptions Sinapse and I do our best to correct is the idea that the most successful gamers make things look easy, or even HAVE it easy. It’s the James Bond idea in action: the belief that “good game” is invisible, under the radar or otherwise smooth as silk. The reality is that the most successful gamers are simply better emotionally prepared to deal with obstacles, and their experience allows them to take action in the correct way. If anything, their greater experience allows them to successfully navigate more obstacles – which, from the outside, can often appear pretty tedious. But the rewards are worth it.
To some extent this is a “textbook report,” in that, from my perspective at least, I didn’t do anything amazingly outside of my normal game. But I feel like writing this one up because it involves a lot of cumulative lessons I’ve learned over the years, and I think some people could be helped out by reading it. In particular, I want to focus on OBSTACLES, since this girl threw up pretty much all of them. To reiterate, the reality is that game means knowing how to recognize and deal with obstacles to get the desired result. It doesn’t mean the obstacles go away, you just learn how to react to them correctly. Note that this also doesn’t mean the obstacles are some kind of “shit test” that the girl is doing consciously – very little of this is likely to be conscious, and human interaction cannot be reduced to any kind of pass/fail test-style format.
To begin: back in December I was kicking some game in Shibuya with a friend and former student. It was around five in the morning and we were lingering around the station entrance, getting ready to head home, when my friend pointed out a girl behind me who he thought might be my type. I turned around and, sure enough, she was a tall (172 cm), stacked girl with long hair and elegant makeup. I don’t like to assign ratings these days because the whole system is pretty meaningless, so I’ll just say that this girl was HIGHLY DESIRABLE for me – the kind I want to keep around and introduce to all my friends. In short, she was outstanding – well dressed and professionally made-up, but still massively exciting in an undeniably erotic way. It was winter and she was wearing heavy clothes, but I could tell from her outline that they concealed an obviously pornographic body, further enhanced by her tall stature.
I ran in with a basic approach, asking about her height. She responded, but otherwise didn’t turn to face me or stop walking.
Obstacle 1: Moving Away from Me
It seems stupidly obvious now, but some gamers are still put off when girls keep moving away from them in public, or otherwise don’t immediately stop and respond to them. The clear right thing to do is hang in there and keep gaming, breaking into a monologue if necessary. In this case I was pretty drunk – and I suspect she was too – so I actually stepped in front of her and placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her while continuing to talk, looking deep into her eyes. I’m not usually this physically direct on the street, but I managed to read the girl’s aura and, by paying attention to her voice and body language, intuited that this approach would work. Sure enough, she stopped and now looked at my face as I continued the conversation. I won’t reproduce exactly what we talked about here, but it was mostly introductory fluff about our jobs, what we were doing up until now, where we both lived, etc. The important part was that I kept my hand on her while speaking, and she didn’t react or move away from the contact.
Since she had now stopped and was comfortable with physicality, I leaned in and put my arm around her and told her that we were going to get another drink before heading home. At this point she protested and said she had to get up early for work in another four hours, and needed to go home to prepare. Without reacting or seeming disappointed, I told her that we should then meet up next time and go out for dinner. But she refused!
Obstacle 2: Rejecting the Number Close
(in Japanese)
Her: I’m not giving you my number.
Me: Okay, put your number into my phone.
I took out my phone and handed it to her. She didn’t take it, so I mimed throwing the phone at her and then actually threw it in the air towards her. She didn’t catch it, so I caught it myself and started inputting random numbers.
Me: Let’s see, 080? 090? What’s next?
Her: I’m not giving you my number, we don’t know each other.
Me: I know your name is (her name), you’re a makeup artist and you live in Yokohama. I want to know more about you.
Her: …
Me: Well, just give me your number now and we can talk on Line, I’m not going to call you or anything – don’t have the time anyway, I’m working most of the time.
Her: OK.
She eventually put in the number and I added her on Line. I wasn’t going to give up until she either put it in or totally moved away from me.
I waited a day or two and messaged her on Line. She was clearly intrigued, playing the question game and asking where I was from, why I was in Japan, etc. I kept things fluent and nonsensical, turning the tables on her and asking her why she was in Japan rather than Korea, why her Japanese was so good, etc. Things were rocking along fine until:
Obstacle 3: Stopping Communication After I Called Her By a Different Girl’s Name
To make things clear, this girl’s name is a very common Japanese girl’s name that sounds like many other girls’ names: if you’re thinking Yuka or Yuko or Akiko or Yui then you’re on the right track. For the sake of this report I’ll say her name was Yumi…but due to concurrently gaming a girl with a similar name – for example, Yuma – I accidentally called her by that name, and conversation stopped.
The conversation in question:
Her: だいたい平日が休みだよ (I’m usually free on weekends)
Me: 平日なら、俺は今週月曜と水曜がいいんだけど、YUMAはどれがいい？ (As for weekends, this week I have Monday and Wednesday free. Which works best for you, YUMA?)
Up until now she’d been replying pretty much immediately, but now the conversation stopped dead. I at first assumed nothing was wrong, but reading over the conversation I realized what had happened and decided to play it off casually.
(half an hour later)
Me: YUMI, 間違えた (YUMI, sorry)
Her: あっ。 気付いた？
むかついたから返事返さなかった (Oh, you noticed? You mistook my name. That pissed me off, so I didn’t reply.)
I made a mental note to tease her in real life for having a difficult to remember name. I decided I would tell her she should get a more interesting, hostess-style name, and probably become a hostess to match it. I never once entertained the thought that it was my fault for calling her by a different girl’s name. But, in accordance with game I played it off and continued with my program of organizing a date.
Me: 笑 マジで？ ｗｗｗｗ もしわけありません！
本当にむかついた？
なんか…可愛い (Wow, were you really offended? That’s kind of…cute.)
Her: うん！ むかついたよ！
チャライと確信した！ ｗ (Yes, I was really offended! It confirmed you’re a player and weren’t really paying attention to me.)
Me: 実は日本人の名前が大変だよ…友達の中にもよく間違う YUKOやYUKAやYUKIなどがいるから覚えきれない
YUMIは怒る時めっちゃ怒る？ (The truth is, Japanese names are hard to remember…I even make mistakes with my close friends. Yuko, Yuka, Yuki and all that…too many to remember. Hey, when you get mad, do you get REALLY mad?)
Her: めっちゃ怒らないよ ｗ
冷静に怒る (Not really, I just go cold.)
Me: とりあえず、月曜と水曜、どれがいい？ (Anyway, Monday or Wednesday, which works?)
Her: 水曜！(Wednesday!)
Me: OK, 水曜日、７時に池袋駅前で待ち合わせしよう！ (Okay, let’s meet on Wednesday at 7 outside Ikebukuro Station.)
Her: わかった！(Got it!)
Date: confirmed!
About a week passed until the scheduled meetup. The day came, and I got ready to head out and meet her at the station. Then:
Obstacle 4: Flaking One Hour Before the Date
As I was getting ready to head out, I received a message from her:
Her: 二日酔い！ 辛い！ 今日やめよ！ (I’m hungover! It’s rough! Let’s cancel today!)
I kept cool and didn’t react to it seriously.
Me: 笑 (Haha)
Her: 目をつぶるとまだまわってる
Me: OK, 明日にしよう
同じ時間は大丈夫？
しかも、昨日何してた？
いっぱい飲んでた？ 笑 (Okay, let’s do tomorrow instead. Is the same time okay? And, what did you do yesterday? Drink too much?)
I tried to reschedule for the next day, but she didn’t respond until a day later:
Her: 六本木のCLUBでベロベロだったｗ
今日は行かないよ！(I was at a Roppongi club. I can’t make it today!)
Since she’d refused my reschedule, I decided to reframe and make it look like I was turning her down instead:
Me: ごめん、今日結局仕事が入っちゃった 来週にしよう！
六本木のクラブ、どこに行った？ (I’m sorry, it looks like some work came up today. Let’s meet next week! Which Roppongi club did you go to?)
Her: vanityだよ
Lots more fluff talk followed. I pressed her for the date and eventually managed to get one on the 27th. The day rolled around, and brought with it…
Obstacle 5: Flaking One Hour Before the Date AGAIN
As I just getting ready to take a shower and head out, this message arrived:
Her: Dorianごめん
今日予定入ってた
忘れてた！ (I’m sorry! I forgot that I had a plan today!)
Me: あマジで？ じゃ違う日にしよう！ ２９日か３０日はどれがいい？ (Haha, really? Okay let’s meet on another day! How about the 29th or the 30th, which is better?)
I took the same strategy as before and played it off, immediately trying to reschedule. She then ignored this and we had a fairly long fluff conversation which I eventually brought back to rescheduling the date. After many digressions and much debate I eventually got her to agree to meet on the 30th. The 30th then came, and brought with it the following:
Obstacle 6: Bullshit Time Constraint
Her: 今日２２時に恵比寿行かなきゃいけないんだけどそれでもいい？ (I have to be in Ebisu by ten tonight, is that okay?)
Uhhh, no, not cool! That’s nowhere enough time for a comfortable dinner and drinking session, and I want to take my time afterwards too! No no nooo!!!
Me: それは時間がないから別の日にしよう
３日にしよう！
５日もできるけど、YUMIはどれがいい？ ほかの予定が入ってない日 笑 (That’s not enough time, so let’s do a different day. Let’s meet on the 3rd! I can do the 5th too, which is good for you? Any day on which you don’t have another plan haha).
I made sure to stay nonreactive and friendly while still insisting that we meet on my terms or not at all.
She didn’t reply for about a week. Finally I got this back:
Her: あけおめ！
熱で死んでた！ (Happy New Year! I died from a fever.)
She made out that she’d been really sick. About a week’s worth of fluff conversation ensued (this time she was taking much longer to reply). Finally I went for the meetup again, and was met with a new obstacle:
Obstacle 7: Inviting Me Out To Go Clubbing With Her Friend and Telling Me to Bring a Friend
Me: YUMI!
Me: 今度遊ぼうよ！ 笑 (Let’s hang out next time!)
Her: うんｗ (Yeah! haha)
Me: 会ってからもう一ヶ月ぐらい 笑 (It’s been over a month since we first met)
Her: 今夜友達と二人で六本木行くけどDorianも誰か連れてくればいいのに？ (I’m going to Roppongi with my friend tonight, want to bring one of your friends and come along?)
….WHAT? Go clubbing with you and your female friend and provide entertainment and drinks as other guys continue to hit on you all night? HAHAHAHA NO CHANCE! Reject…with extreme prejudice!
Me: 誘ってありがとう、でも今日は仕事の関係の会議があって、行けない (Thanks for the invite, but I’ve got a work related meeting tonight, so I can’t go).
Me: 来週にしよう！
水曜日か木曜日はどう？ (Let’s meet next week! Wednesday or Thursday, which is better?)
Eventually I got her to agree to meet on Thursday.
Thursday rolled around, and brought with it:
Obstacle 8: Trying to Bring a Friend to the Date
Her: おはよう！
今日友達も誘ったから連れて行っていい？ (Good morning! Is it okay if I invite my friend tonight?)
ahahahahaha!!!! No.
Me: おはよう！
今日はYUMIの事をもっと知りたいから、二人だけでいい (Good morning! I want to get to know you better, so tonight is just the two of us).
Her: わかった (Okay.)
I took a shower, got ready and headed out to meet her at the appointed time. By this point I didn’t even believe she’d show up, but I had nothing to lose and was planning on heading out to kick some game anyway.
I arrived at the station and before long she showed up…SHIT, I’d forgotten how hot this girl was! She looked much taller and prettier than I remembered. I was super pumped and told myself to curb my excitement and be calm. She seemed pretty friendly, and before long we were chatting normally as I walked her to the same izakaya I take all girls to.
We sat down in the smoking section…fuck yes I love smoking hot smoking girls, and she went through about a whole pack during dinner. I noticed that her drinking speed was pretty fast too, which is always a good sign. I was enjoying talking to her so much that I lost track of time and had to keep checking the clock to plan my next move. We’d met pretty late anyway, so we only had about an hour and a half before I needed to bounce. The bounce itself was pretty abrupt, as I just stood up and said something about wanting to get drinks somewhere else.
Before long we were on the street heading back to my place…which is where the next obstacle came in:
Obstacle 9: Refusing to Go Back to My Place
Her: Where are we going?
Me: Let’s get some more drinks from Lawson.
Her: I’ve got work tomorrow, so I’m going to head back now…
Me: Don’t worry, we’ll just have one more drink.
Her: I have to get up tomorrow…
I didn’t pay too much attention and just kept walking. I imagined myself walking home alone and then getting back to my creative projects. The thought of doing work I’m passionate about was just as exciting as that of getting it on with this fine girl, so I had no expectations and my aura was completely calm.
When I looked over she was still walking next to me. Before long we were at the conbini, and then at my place.
We got inside and started drinking. I turned on the TV and watched it for a while with her, sitting next to her on my bed. She was turned away from me, so I leaned over and started kissing her neck. She didn’t react at first, so I tried kissing her on the lips. This led to:
Obstacle 10: Putting Up Resistance
The key to resistance is determining whether it’s real or token. The difference is that with real resistance the girl is likely to actually get up and leave once she realizes you’re serious about escalating. With token resistance the girl wants to feel safe: i.e. to know that you’re not some desperate rapist asshole, but that you’re still capable of taking action.
With this girl, the fact that she’d come back to my house like this told me it was most likely token resistance. I decided to put this to the test by continuing to escalate in an unambiguous way that would let her know I wouldn’t stop, while still giving her the freedom to leave if she wanted to, by engineering little pauses and breaks and “tension breakers” into the escalation (such as starting a completely random conversational topic, making her laugh, etc.).
This went on for a while. A few times I tried to kiss her, then pulled away and started playing with the TV remote or checking my phone. I kept kissing her neck and holding her. She progressed to wanting to kiss me, but then not wanting to do anything else or let me take her shirt off. At one point she said “I need a cigarette,” so we both calmly went out to the balcony, smoked, and came back inside…at which point I started escalating again. I got her to laugh and made fun of her a bit. I kept apologizing for escalating: for example, I’d grab her and kiss her, then totally pull away and say (in formal Japanese) “I’m so sorry, please forgive me…you’re so beautiful, I couldn’t help it.”
I could tell she was getting turned on while still trying to resist…eventually we kissed for what felt like five full minutes, then I managed to start fingering her, and once that happened she stopped resisting at all and in fact got super into it. It turned out she was still on her period (probably the source of her resistance) so I reassured her we could use a towel, then went back to getting her off.
I got her clothes off and admired her long thighs and large rack…this girl was blazing…before long I progressed to the final stages. I was a bit concerned about her last train, but she ended up falling asleep in my arms. I woke up the next morning and started getting ready for work, and she was still sleeping…so I woke up and suggested she clean my apartment. She smiled and went back to sleep.
When I came home that day the apartment was actually cleaner than it had been before…and the garbage had been taken out. Win!
Analysis
As can be seen, this girl didn’t make ANYTHING easy for me. She: walked away from me, rejected the number close, stopped communication, flaked one hour before the date, flaked one hour before the date AGAIN, tried to put bullshit time constraints on the date, invited me out clubbing and told me to bring a friend, tried to bring a friend to the date, refused to go back to my place and put up resistance at my place.
And we still got it on.
In the past, any one of these obstacles would have tripped me up and prevented me from getting anywhere. I would have gotten angry or emotional, argued with her, or just given up and decided it wasn’t worth the effort. But you know what? IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH THE EFFORT! Her body was amazing and the sex was awesome. Even now I’m imagining doing it again and feeling super pumped. There’s nothing better than waking up in the morning next to a super hot girl who was once a total stranger.
Becoming familiar with obstacles and learning how to deal with them is how your game improves. You only lose if you become reactive or upset. The key to success is calm and friendly but determined and absolute persistence.
