Game is often compared to a “numbers game,” and while this is true to some degree, it is not a pure numbers game. You can and do improve. Let’s break “all attractive women” up into five groups for the sake of ease of argument:
100 girls come on a date.
A.) 20 have no affinity with you, and will not have sex regardless.
B.) 20 will not have sex on the first date, but will at a later date if you keep meeting
C.) 20 are horny and like you, but not in any long term way. They will have sex with you on the first date, unless you don’t go for it, but they won’t be coming back out for another date either way.
D.) 20 like you, will have sex on the first date (and are happy to keep meeting), or will come out for a second/third date (and have sex then, if you haven’t already), and by the luck of fate, don’t meet anyone else and get a boyfriend before that date ends up coming about.
E.) 20 like you, but Taro at work has been putting in seven months of effort into dozen dates including Disney Land and sending two dozen pictures of cute cats. She decides that he’s actually not that bad and will date him. Alternatively, she is frustrated you didn’t try to have sex with her on the date, wonders if its something wrong with her, goes out to club Atom and gets picked up by Shunsuke, the bleached kari-age construction worker who fucks her in his van and 中出しs her. She has the kid and gets married. You get the idea. If you don’t have sex on the first date she will end up in a relationship before your next date.
If you DONT escalate to sex on the first date vs. escalating to sex on the first date, you’re losing:
C.) who are just horny and are happy to have sex to fulfill their bodily urges, but don’t really care about you in particular (there are actually a lot of Japanese girls like this.. happy for a casual fling but not much longer)
E.) Who like you, but if you lollygag around too long will end up dating someone else before you get around to the second date
That’s like 40% of the girls that you’re losing by not going for sex on the first date.
If you are purposefully NOT going for sex on the first date you are wagering that the added sexual tension or comfort or whatever your goal is, is worth more than losing the girl 40% of the time. In 20% of those cases (E.), the girl might actually be your total dream girl and it’s just a timing issue, but not going for sex is actually going to cost you your dream girl and potential future wife.
TL; DR, go for sex too soon rather than too late
Some of you may be familiar with the “leaky funnel” model of sales. Basically the idea is that you lose people at each next stage, but some candidates go to the next level. In pickup, this would be iterated thus:
# of girls talked to >
# of girls whose number you get >
# of girls who go on a date >
#of girls who have sex on the first date >
# of girls who come to a second date >
# of girls you end up dating long-term > …
ETC ETC ETC
If you look at the top diagram, notice that distractions are EVERYWHERE along the sales funnel, which for our purposes we will call the funnel of love.
The “Cue” layer could be thought of as the natural state of man, walking around and not really meeting that many women. The result – most women don’t even notice you.
The “Reaction” layer comes after you make an approach. If they have a negative / too neutral reaction they drop off and refuse to continue the interaction any longer. If they give out the number or choose to bounce with you they move on to the next stage.
The “Evaluation” stage comes when they (over text) think rationally about how much they actually liked you in the interaction, how weird or creepy you were or weren’t, whether they think you have a cool life, whether they think you would have something to talk about / be able to even communicate normally on the date, etc. If your texts don’t communicate this information positively, or your initial interaction was weak, you will have a low text-to-date conversion rate.
The “Ability” stage regards their schedule. Are they actually free on the dates you provide or not? Do they have a jealous boyfriend who won’t let them meet, or are there other factors otherwise preventing them from meeting you even if they might want to?
Finally, the “Timing” stage in dating would likely mean how pushy/relaxed are you to meet. How well can you create a state of casual urgency that leads to her actually coming out in a timely fashion.
I wouldn’t take the categories from the sales funnel image too literally, remember this is social not business, and we are definitely not trying to “sell” ourselves, and thinking you are can lead to the totally wrong frame. Rather, the message I’d like to convey with this example is simply that you lose girls at every next step of the interaction.
So what can we learn and apply with this knowledge?
- You always have more leverage the more personal your form of communication. Never text something you could say over the phone. Never say something over the phone you could say in person. Never say something in person when escalation will say the same thing better. An easy example of this is asking for which days she is usually free. This is much easier to do in person on the first day you meet her rather than over text. Calling her out, making jokes, etc, these are all better done in person if you’re going to do them. Another huge example is to get her out first, then negotiate her issues afterthat. I remember one girl who didn’t want to come to my station (a major station) because her boss was working there. I told her to meet me a station away, we had drinks and chatted, then walked over to my station anyway. If I was too pushy about her meeting me at my station, she likely wouldn’t have come out at all. Instead I used the increased leverage of being in person on the date vs. over text to get her to my station.
- Kick the can down the Tunnel of Love. At first this might seem like the exact opposite of the previous point, but I assure you its different and important as well. If there’s some sort of information or commitment she requires, if at all possible, it’s easier to just push it down the road until she comes all the way through the tunnel of love. Examples of this would be if she starts asking you a ton of questions over LINE you can just reply that you’ll talk about everything when you meet. Getting bogged down in texts often leads nowhere, or she just wants to satisfy her curiosity then not come out on the date. By kicking the can down the tunnel of love, you maximize her chances of coming out. Similarly, if she says “I only have sex with my boyfriend” you can discuss how you think physical chemistry is an important prerequisite for being “boyfriend-girlfriend”.
- Always go for sex at the first possible opportunity. You always lose leads at every stage of the game. Better to go for it when you have the most leverage (when you’re already with her) and skip a few levels down the tunnel of love straight to sex! SNLs cut out all the pain of texting and negotiating dates, not to mention they’re cheaper! The earlier you get to sex, the more steps you can cut out and the less you get trapped in texting game and waiting for a date.
- More volume! If a girl you really like falls out of the tunnel of love for whatever reason, the correct response is to double down and pour more leads back into the tunnel of love (by doing more approaches, of course!). The ideal situation is to have so many girls in your pipeline and be talking to so many chicks that you don’t even notice rejections. I call this “sand through your fingers.” A lot is spilled, but still some remains in your hands.