The vast majority of inquiries I get (or that are posted on The Playbook or any other advice forum) are for single cases. “How do I get this girl who..?” “What should I text in this situation…?” “How can you escalate when X or Y is happening?” While I could (and sometimes do) spend time answering each individual query, there is a magical pill which cures all of these concerns: abundance.
What is abundance?
Abundance is the deep conviction that opportunities (especially in our case, women) are plentiful. Another one is just around the door, so missing out on any particular one isn’t that big of a loss (though of course, you always take right action towards the opportunities you are presented with). The huge bulk of minor issues guys have (nervousness, neediness, paralysis of action) are due to a scarcity mindset – believing that they MUST perform and must get the woman or else go home hungry.
Building Abundance, step by step
Step 1. Fill your life with meaningful activities.
Even if you don’t even have a single girl you can call over for some instant action, you can (and should) fill your life with meaningful activities and hobbies.
You should have some other hobbies which you find meaning from. Ideally, they are something which requires skill and/or creation of something. Watching TV/movies/sports is PASSIVE and thus doesn’t require skill nor creation. Shopping and sleeping similarly don’t cut it. Examples of good hobbies are: hiking/camping, scuba diving, reading books, skiing/snowboarding, painting, writing, car maintenance/modification, building stuff (with metal, wood, etc), etc. As I said, it should require skill and/or creation. Alternatively, you could provide something for others, like working in a soup kitchen or volunteering for a cause.
Work / Finance
Whatever you do, you should always be looking to improve yourself in your career and station in life. That might not always necessarily mean more money – it could simply mean more satisfaction or more creation or production – however, whatever your goal is, you should be on it. Most often, work and finances coincide with your purpose. Be sure that you are working towards your purpose, whatever that may be, and not simply working to tread water and stay afloat. There are plenty of places to get great life advice about improving this area of your life, so I’ll keep it simple and say that you should always be improving here as well.
Your friends reflect back onto yourself, and women will notice what kind of people you associate with. Remember to cut out all negativity around you and be especially vigilant of those who continue to drag you down – energetically or mentally. As long as you have the right friends, you should be totally dedicated to them, thinking about how to help them out with their goals, and they should reciprocate by helping you with yours. Make time to see a wide range of people and be as inclusive as you can, within reason (again – zero tolerance for negativity is crucial). Often when just starting out in game, you have friends who might disagree with what you are doing, or at least try to convince you to do something else. You may need to separate your time between the friend group who know you outside of game, and new friends you make (wings) who will go out with you and game together.
Travel, or at least seeking out new experiences is also a hugely important and fun way to spend your time. Make plans to visit other countries, or even just that new cafe down the street. It will make you more interesting, more able to spark new conversations with women, and create a world which will suck those around you in. Additionally, the travel gods and the game gods have a similar sense of humor – raining on your parade when you might not want, and providing you amazing little surprises when you weren’t expecting it.
Generally speaking, regardless of who you are you should be spending 2 days a week getting some serious exercise in (cardio for health, and something for muscles. I personally recommend kickboxing/muay thai for cardio and heavy weightlifting for building muscles and putting on weight) at the absolute minimum. Exercise is awesome for your health, mindset, testosterone, and pretty much everything else as well.
The main reason to do these things is simply for their own sake, however they also help you with women (unsurprisingly). Fitness keeps you youthful, energetic, and full of testosterone – and able to bang for long hours! Hobbies keep you stimulated and improving your skill level in some aspect or another – and can be a world you can pull women into! Friends are your support network and your place to share good emotions – and can help you with women you like! Travel inspires you and gives you new perspective – and gives you sweet bait pics to send to girls! Work / your purpose keeps your focus on yourself and your long-term plans and dreams – and nothing is more attractive than a man on his purpose and not swayed off his course!
But the psychological reason to pack your weeks is just as important: you don’t want to be too free (for the girl or anybody else). You want your free time to be valuable, so much so that even if a girl cancels a date, you still have other things in your life going on. Basically, filling your life with meaningful activities is helpful both for its own sake, and for your mental abundance – you simply have an abundance of important things to be doing. Life is full of good things which you need to be doing, and are excited about, so whatever one particular girl says or does doesn’t matter that much – you still have a lot more going on for you.
Something something.. milk for free
Step 2. Basic Abundance of Women.
Most men get stuck around this point. They think they can simply go out just a couple hours here and there, maybe do a few approaches, and everything will start happening. Sometimes that can happen, but game builds momentum like a snowball rolling downhill, and you gain momentum the more you take action. In order to feel that women are abundant, you have to be meeting, texting, and getting laid with a variety of women. This might seem difficult, but there are a few steps to make things easier.
1. Don’t be super picky. If you are just starting out or don’t have a lot of women already on your dick, be open to all kinds of women. Remember that women are not worth their physical appearance – even though we do like the pretty ones! Each woman is worthwhile and interesting, and there are parts of her that could stimulate and intrigue you. If you aren’t getting laid, lower your standards initially. Nobody is saying you have to bang the warpig or the horse-faced sloppy seconds, but surely there are some plain but interesting girls who have several redeeming qualities to them that you can enjoy time with (and decrease your thirst level). Being picky is something you earn when you already have girls calling you left and right to hang out.
2. Draw from many sources. If you are having a ton of difficulty pulling from clubs, realize that limiting your gaming to only one or two nights a week, several thousand yen a night, and essentially taking a loan on your energy levels (paid off the next day or two), that you might not be spending your time in the best way. Add more sources. Diversify.
– Use an online dating service or two – Tinder, Pairs, Skout, OKcupid, etc. Online dating is like empty carbs – don’t base your whole diet around it, but it’s okay once in awhile when you have nothing better to do – like as you cry to yourself in the toilet. Seriously though, it can be pretty time-effective to whip out a bunch of swipes or easy messages when you’re on the train or the john and you might get a date or two out of it.
-Go to bars at night.
-Do street. Street is wonderful, free, and full of sexy women. Talk to them.
-Cafes / stores. As you go about your day, take time to talk to women who might be around you. If you work from a computer, take your computer to a cafe and work there with the intention of talking to any woman who catches your eye.
-Social circle. Give everybody positivity and fun, and they will reward you. Meet women occasionally through social circle by befriending the right guys. Be careful because you don’t want to treat the social circle recklessly – choose wisely if you want to try to date someone from your social circle – or at least pull from different circles.
-International parties / mixers / speed dating. Try it out, see where it goes. Women here are often more open to foreigners in general.
-Events / festivals. Go to many events, especially if they are related to your hobbies. Network with people and try to get invited to more parties, where you can then meet more women.
3. Go on a rampage. If you aren’t getting laid, taking massive action is the single best way to change that. Go out A LOT. Perhaps even cut out some obligations in favor of going out as much as you can physically handle it (I recommend at least 4 days a week, for multiple hours). Approach, approach, and approach some more. I know far too many guys who have been in the game a long time, but never really developed real abundance, and it’s usually because they don’t go out enough and/or are too picky (more on “quality” next).
Step 3. Deep Abundance Mentality.
Now you have done the first two steps (I know they aren’t easy and might take some time to get them firing on all cylinders) and so you are ideally getting laid with a few women. Perhaps you aren’t happy with the quality. Now that you have, for example, three women who you can call up and they will come over with regularity, you can measure future women up to this standard. Rather than merely trying to latch onto any woman who will give you the time of day, you how now earned the ability to be more picky – does she fill a need that isn’t already being filled by my basic abundance of women already in my life? As you start to cycle the lower-quality women (those who don’t match your needs or desires, or who act poorly), you can cycle in increasingly higher quality women. Interestingly, women can always sense when you are screening them because you already are getting laid, and like catnip, it drives them crazy. Your basic sexual needs are being met, your “thirst” level is lower, so you automatically need less from them. Since you need less from them, your behavior is more expressive as opposed to reactive, which conveys the more real, attractive you. Around this time, you will start to attract more and more women who fundamentally vibe well with you. There will fewer bangs of convenience or availability, and more women who are spiritually aligned with you, and up to your standards.
Step 4. Innate Abundance
At this level, the abundance mentality has soaked in so deep that it now is totally irrelevant how many women you have in your life at any given time. The ultimate test of abundance is how quickly you can move to a new city with no connections whatsoever and set up a new harem of women (or get your ideal girlfriend). Similarly, your mindset is so permeated by abundance that you know even if you are only seeing one woman because you really like her, you can easily and quickly at any point go out and within a day or two meet another woman of similarly high value. In other words, innate abundance means that you no longer need the “crutches” of sleeping with multiple women to feel abundant – it is always within you, regardless of how many women are in your life.
So, when I get questions about how to deal with scenario X or Y, I always just think “Get abundance first, then come back and see if you really still need an answer to that question.”