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Secret to Effective Pickup: Express Yourself Honestly

secret to effective pickup

What if I told you that the only reason you aren’t good with women is because your beliefs are wrong. What if everything you thought was possible if you could only realize “There is no spoon.” If I could just transfer you all my own beliefs, you would kill it at the game.

The reason guys get rejected and fail so often at the beginning is because their thoughts, words, and actions are not aligned. The secret to effective pickup is expressing yourself honestly by aligning your thoughts, words, and actions.



Guys at the beginning don’t really believe pickup works. They don’t believe they are valuable as a man. They don’t believe the girl will stop to talk to them. They don’t believe the chat will go anywhere.

They don’t want to succeed as much as they want to look cool or have a nice interaction with the girl. They don’t want to get laid. Isn’t that crazy? Deep down, deep deep down, they don’t want to get laid. They are afraid of it. They are afraid that if they got laid, it would destroy what they thought they knew about themselves and women. It would mean that they are responsible for their own destiny, and that is terrifying. It is much easier to believe that your fate is decided, and everything you deserve will be given to you. No. You have to go out there and get it.


The newbie’s words are not in tune with their thoughts. They are trying to be cool. They are trying to show the girl and themselves that they are valuable as a man (when they don’t believe it). They are trying to get positive words from the girl, and have bad reactions to the negative words she might say. They are shy when they don’t need to be, ask permission when none is needed, and get caught up in the depth of words without moving things forward. They are comfortable in the conversation more than they even want to pull the girl home, because pulling her home would be taking a risk, and thats scary!


With doubts about your own ability, and thoughts like “She probably won’t like me” or “She’s too far away now” or “She’ll never open” or “She’s not that into me, I should just try to kiss her on the next date instead of now”, your actions will be weak. You will not approach if you detect the slightest issue, even if it’s really nothing. You won’t try to bounce. You won’t go for the kiss. You’ll fidget, and have weak body language. And more subtly, everything you’re thinking is communicated through your sub-communications. She can sense these acutely. If you believe you won’t succeed, your subcommunications will tell the girl to reject you. This is why rejection is usually an internal mental problem, and not an issue of the girl being “a bitch” or “hard to get” or “friend zoning” or any other common issue. Girls will even manifest boyfriends if your subcoms are off!

Ok, so how do we get past all of this. Of course, massive action. Massive action and hammering the fundamentals until everything is water-tight, like a ship. A water-tight ship can even have no steering, and still float. But a ship with holes, no matter how good the steering, will still sink. Steering is taking action and making moves. Water-tight is your frame and whole mentality. “Inner game”.

I like to imagine that girls are totally psychic, and that you can never hide anything from a woman. It’s hyperbole, but it’s also mostly accurate. They will sense everything. So no use hiding it. Instead, practice massive honesty and integrity. Honestly approach, wear your heart on your sleeve. She may smack it or crush it, and you will feel more pain this way, but it is the only way. Trying to play it cool or not put your ego on the line will result in dishonest communication and rejection.

Keep in mind that this doesn’t mean you can’t lie. For example, if she asks you “What do you do for a living,” expressing yourself honestly doesn’t mean that you have to tell her (although you could if you want). You could say “I work at Lawson!” And she’ll giggle and be surprised. So you lied, but if your intention is to have a fun conversation you are still communicating honestly. On the flip side, if you have a well-esteemed profession, like a lawyer, and you say so “I’m a lawyer” (proud look expecting praise) she may praise you “Sugoooi” but your subcommunications are seeking her validation, which is not communicating honestly. Why? This means that rather than wanting to have fun and end up sleeping with the girl, you PREFER to just receive the validation. She will give you the validation, but won’t sleep with you because that’s what you secretly are asking her for. Girls are VERY attuned to your subcommunications, and will respond how you expect them to respond. This is why positive words and compliments are not necessarily good, nor are negative words and insults.


Ultimately, martial arts means honestly expressing yourself. bruceleeNow, it is very difficult to do. It is very easy
to put on a show and be cocky. Blinded by it. Or I can show some really fancy movements. But to experience oneself honestly, not lying to oneself, and to express myself honestly, now that, my friend, is very hard to do.

-Bruce Lee

Hard to do is right. Probably the hardest thing you’ve ever done, unless you meditate. In a way though, this is meditation. Killing the ego. Destroying the part of you which wants approval, success, and results. This is the weak you. We want to bring out the strong you. The one who is above the petty problems and whirlwind of emotional reactions of the daily masses.



So what’s the secret to effective pickup? Cut away any of the ego which wants approval, acceptance, or to feel skillful. Instead keep your thoughts, words, and actions towards the one and only purpose you should have in an interaction:

To meet a girl, have fun, and test for chemistry. If you have chemistry, to have sex with the girl.

Any other motive, no matter how subtle, will mess you up. Aggressively watch your thoughts, words, and actions, and align them all to your purpose.

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