There is a long-lasting and powerful connection between pickup in specific and self-improvement in general. I haven’t met a group of guys as focused on improving every aspect of their life as much as guys who are drawn to pickup, and a lot of it comes from a realization of two things:
1. It is possible to improve (belief)
2. I am fed up with my current level of results (leverage)
Guys who don’t have both of these realizations won’t pursue pickup with any sort of seriousness. However, guys who realize both of these things together often wander into the bountiful forest that is pickup. The book The Game was a huge catalyst for an entire wave of pickup initiates simply because it highlighted the first of these two realizations, namely, that there is a method, with proven study and application through trial and error. When you know it IS possible to improve, you start to look around and consider if your own situation is satisfactory or not – and, in most cases, there is a lot of room for improvement.
To guys like me, the realization that such a method exists was the wake-up call. I realized that I had been sleepwalking through life, accepting the narrative that society had given me all along – go to school, get a job, marry a decent girl from your friend circle (never mind that she’s one of the first ten women you’ve ever slept with and you still have no idea what you really want), have 2 kids and a house with a white picket fence. I expected life to simply deliver the results I deserved, no more, no less. I thought it was my destiny, but it was just a dream given to me. The American dream – whose dream is it actually?
Life is too short to live a life that isn’t by your own design
I consider there to be several “arenas” of your life, of which “game” covers merely one. In order to have a life of success and abundance you MUST live each of these arenas to their fullest – which means not merely accepting the easy or comfortable path, but by carving it to your OWN design, even if that means failure and struggle in the short term (and most things worth having in life require some effort and failure first).
Your passion is your life purpose. What draws you in and inspires you to action? What is your calling? What will be your legacy? Have you found a way to make your passion your career?
Do you provide value to those around you? Do you bring them up or bring them down? Do they bring you up or bring you down? Are you satisfied with your love life – meeting the quality and kind of girls who have deep affinity with you and meet your standards?
Are you financially secure? Are you actively growing and trying to work your way up through your career, investment, and/or entrepreneurship? Have you developed multiple streams of income? Are you working for someone else or for yourself? Are you working hard or working smart?
Are you seeking new experiences constantly? Do you stretch your own comfort zone and expand your worldview or fall into repeated motions and sleepwalking through life on autopilot? Are you learning new languages, traveling to new countries and places, and constantly reading and devouring new resources, information, and books?
Listen to your body. Do you feed yourself food which makes you feel good or bad? Do you get your heart pumping and work up a sweat several times a week? Do you have a regular exercise routine? Do you take time for your mental health, such as meditation or peaceful walks?
Each of these areas contain many disciplines and paths, fraught with setbacks, failure, and learning. When beginning in each you will have the whole world against you, but by grabbing small wins and learning from your failures you build momentum and a track record of success
Without constant, increasing success in EACH of these areas, you won’t be reaching your maximum potential. And it never ends – nobody, myself included – is ever “done” with these. Rather, they are a series of habits.
You should view your life as a garden in which you invest time regularly in each area and reap the rewards in direct proportion to your diligence and sustained effort. That said, there may be times and periods in life when you focus extra hard on one of these five aspects, often to the detriment of others. Such a period of focus is crucial for rapid progress in any of these areas: you MUST get OBSESSED. For a period of time, everything you think about should be that aspect – whether it’s pickup (and if you’re new to this or reading this article, chances are you should be spending a LOT of time and effort round-the-clock on pickup), entrepreneurship, a new hobby, or a commitment to fitness. Have the sense to realize when something is burning you out and causing TOO much damage in other areas of life, but other than that, light a contained fire of obsession in an area you wish to improve, take massive action, learn from your mistakes and failures, and keep a positive attitude – you WILL improve.
If you’re coming around to the realization that your dating life isn’t magically going to fix itself, you need both the belief that it is possible for you to improve it through right action, and the leverage to improve.
-With only leverage (dissatisfaction with your current love life – quite common, but people just “settle” or watch porn and visit prostitutes to stave off the pain of loneliness) you won’t know where to apply your energy. There is no belief that improvement with women through pickup is even possible and can be learned.
-With just belief but no leverage (knowledge that pickup is possible, but perhaps you are already getting laid “enough” or settling with a girl who is good enough, but not ideal), people don’t WANT it enough to change. Perhaps they are getting their needs met “enough” with their girlfriend or simply just don’t want it THAT much. However, when you both REALLY WANT success with women and you BELIEVE it’s possible – you can and will take steps to achieve it.
Once you have both the belief AND the leverage, it’s all about building habits and getting the small wins to keep your momentum going. Every 3 months I like to evaluate my life progress in these 5 areas using the criteria and questions I laid out above. I’ve spent a LOT of time focusing on the relationships aspect – picking up women. After all – passion and adventure brought me to Japan. However, I also spend time on all of the other aspects, such as kickboxing, cooking healthy fresh food, building businesses, and networking. You don’t have to kickbox or do any specific thing if you don’t want to, but you should be doing something to improve yourself in each of these areas.
Take a minute to stop and evaluate yourself here:
Am I living life based on my own standards and values, or based on what other people have told me is important?
Am I taking concrete ACTION (not just thinking or consuming information) towards achieving my goals in the 5 areas (passion, relationships, finance, adventure, health)?
Do I regularly set clear, attainable, action-based (not result-based) goals for myself and take the steps needed to complete them?
Do I hold myself accountable to my plans, goals, and dreams, or do I give up on them halfway through or after setbacks?
Am I just surviving? Or am I thriving?
Hopefully these questions will spark some thought and accountability within yourself to achieve your goals and live up to your potential. If not, there’s always Reality TV!