Guys just starting out with pickup have lots of questions, worries, and fears. This is totally normal. Pickup isn’t the easiest thing to get into, and much like public speaking, guys feel like the spotlight is on them. However, in reality, you have nothing to lose.
I’ve heard just about every objection in the book as to why a guy might not want to start doing cold-approach pickup, and it gets tiring to answer the same ones all the time. So here’s a article compiling all of the most common objections / fears guys have concerning nampa/PUA. If you have more, reply and I’ll add them.
I think it doesnt work
This one is hard to disprove unless you strap a camera to my (or someone else who can do its’) back. But trust me when I say that the first 6 months I was in Japan I got next to nothing. I got scraps from my social circle, and that’s it. But with constant practice, it really does work. You can settle for a simple, easy goal and get out after that (a decently cute girlfriend), or you can reach for the stars (models, race queens, socialites, and other top-tier chicks). Whatever your end goal, there’s no doubt you can improve yourself. Everyone knows you improve at, say, basketball by taking a LOT of shots and practicing a LOT. Well, its the same with women. The only reason you aren’t already really good at it is you’re not taking enough shots.
I think I’m too old
Maybe there is such a thing as too old, but I havent found it. I know guys who get into game in their 40s and 50s and it makes a huge positive impact on their life. They feel renewed, younger, and more in touch with their masculine nature. One guy I know started game at age 43, and in his first year ended up banging nearly 100 girls. This is certainly the exception, and not something you should expect to happen, but it is possible. He had all the pieces in place beforehand – huge social circle, excellent Japanese, very successful at his profession, amazing apartment in a famous classy area with conveniently close bars, clubs, and street, etc. The missing piece was game – the process of approaching and analyzing your mistakes. There is no such thing as too old.
I don’t look like a male model
I have another friend who is short, bald, with a gap tooth who has hooked up with over 400 Japanese girls. He’s been at it a long time. He definitely is not classically beautiful, and even has pretty mediocre – poor Japanese, but he still pulls like a boss because he has the attitude and cultural knowledge. Your looks are never a barrier. The question you should be asking yourself is – can I do better than I am now? Don’t worry about what anybody else is doing, just worry about your own progress. Are you pushing yourself to attain what you deserve? Can you be doing better? The answer is almost always a resounding YES.
Yes, many people who get into game start from borderline Aspergers and/or are socially unadjusted. These are people who literally look at a person’s face and can’t understand what emotion they are feeling. This makes game quite difficult, but NOT impossible. I’m friends with guys like this, and while the path is long, they are definitely improving and not only are better at getting women, but also better at keeping friends and making good impressions on everybody. Nampa is the poor man’s therapy. It really digs up your deep-seated issues and forces you to confront them and get over them. You will become more socially savvy.
I’m worried about what other people will think when they see me doing it
You are never far away from a bunch of other Japanese people. But even if you open on a crowded train, the one thing you’ll realize is that nobody cares. After maybe 10-20 seconds of looking and thinking ‘oh that foreigner is talking to her’, they just go back to their smartphone or book and continue about their zombie day. Moreover, nampa is culturally Japanese. People expect it and know about it, and understand what it is. It isn’t anything unusual or anything a Japanese guy wouldn’t do. Most Japanese guys with a decent sex drive have tried their hand at it, often after a few drinks and with some egging on by their friends.
I feel like I’m harassing the girl
Girls would LOVE to meet a cool, interesting, respectful guy. You are harassing her if you touch her, follow her home, verbally berate her for not responding, or get angry. If you are frank, honest, and keep your distance (DONT touch her), she will at worst be not interested, and at best be totally happy that you came up and talked to her! I know some girls who actually dress up and walk around in circles in public areas JUST to be nampad. They’re hoping that a decent guy will actually nampa them, and not one of the annoying J-nampa guys. As long as you are clear in your purpose, honest, and respectful, she won’t feel harassed.
I don’t have the courage
Start small. Smile at passing girls. Talk to grandmas in the elevator and next to you on the train. Make small talk with the conbini staff. Then, work up to just saying hi and leaving, or paying the girl an honest compliment, then excusing yourself. Ask for directions or for their opinion on your fashion or an article of clothing in a store. In the end, you want to work past this kind of thing, but at the beginning it’s important to take action in whatever small way you can. Once you feel comfortable with all of this, just go up and talk to her normally – as if she was already your girlfriend!
Whats the worst that can happen? She will probably say, I’m sorry, I’m busy right now. Thats it. Is that intolerable?
Pickup is creepy. Guys should just stick to normal ways of meeting girls like social circle and work.
To me, picking up girls from your workplace is creepy. If something goes wrong, you still have to work with that person! How awkward!
But more importantly, unless you work in certain industries (fashion/apparel, cosmetics/beauty) and have access to lots of very attractive women, you probably don’t work with tons of hot women. If you work with one, and that doesn’t go well, what are you going to do now? Simply speaking, theres not high enough volume of attractive women in most people’s workplaces or social lives to consistently get decent girlfriends from them. Waiting for what comes to you from your circle is PASSIVE. Passive people accept what life gives them, and in the end are upset that they didn’t go for what they want. ACTIVE people go out and get what they really want, what really sparks their fire. This is true whether it’s about career, money, or women.
Women view me as just a friend
Women view you as whatever box you put yourself into. If they view you as a friend its because you aren’t asserting your own agenda on the relationship. If you continue down the path of doing nampa, you will learn to go for what you want, when you want it. Women will accept your advances or refuse your advances, but either way they will respect you for going after what you want. You never lose by trying to kiss a woman you like. You DO lose by not going for what you want when it’s right in front of you, because thats a symptom of a deeper personality issue. If you can’t even kiss a woman you like, how will you take charge of your own life and get the career / money that you want? A man who doesn’t unapologetically go after what he wants in life is not attractive to high-value women, so it’s no doubt he gets “friend-zoned”.
My Japanese level isn’t very good
I have a friend from England who comes over here periodically for business and to game. He speaks next to no Japanese, yet still pulls regularly from the street. How? Energy and vibe are more important than language. I’m not going to lie, you will do far better if you speak more Japanese, but it’s definitely still possible to pull with regularity from the streets in Tokyo.
The legendary RichinJapan, who was gaming long before I ever even arrived to our beloved island chain, has minimal Japanese as well and pulled nearly 500 chicks in his career to date, many of them really top notch and quite a few who don’t speak a lick of English.
In short, learn Japanese in your free time, but no Japanese does not preclude you from getting laid like a boss!