Updated – 11/9/2016
People often ask me how to get a Japanese girlfriend. The reality of the situation is that many guys come to Japan expecting a huge party of pussy and glory, but end up going home many nights in a row, alone and frustrated. Forget the mountains of poontang and submissive chicks, the first thing most guys want is just a normal Japanese girlfriend.
How do you get a Japanese girlfriend?
- Learn to speak Japanese. There are plenty of women who can speak English, but you might be limiting yourself. Broaden your horizons. If you like Japanese women and/or you live in Japan, every day you spend not learning a little Japanese is a day you could be spending with your Japanese girlfriend in the future if you had only studied. Focus first on basic conversational skills, then reading katakana and hiragana.
- Meet more Japanese women. This seems pretty obvious, but you’re going to have to increase the volume of women you meet dramatically. If you’re shy or introverted, this can be hard at first, but I promise you it’s worth it. If you’re wondering where to meet Japanese girls, check this post out. If you need help approaching check out the approaching category.
- Don’t be too touchy or sexual off the bat, and don’t fall into “entertainer monkey mode”. Often gaijin in Japan slip into the role of being the dancing monkey entertainment for their Japanese friends. The girls and guys will bombard them with questions and they’ll be the center of attention and feel like a rockstar, but this doesn’t really lead anywhere. Once your fame burns out after 15 minutes, you’ll left with deflated value and once again be left to walk home alone.
- Have interesting answers for the most asked questions. In 95% of interactions with Japanese people, they will ask you the same questions, like “How old are you” “What’s your job” “Why did you come to Japan” “Do you like Japanese girls?” “Do you have a girlfriend?” “How long have you been in Japan?” etc. Yuk! These questions get boring fast, and slipping into the pattern of answering them usually just puts you in the category of “just another gaijin”, rather than that sexy mysterious dude. You may think these questions are good, but you actually want to derail this line of conversation at every possible opportunity. You can say “Guess” or “I’m a construction worker”. “I don’t have a girlfriend, I’m sexually attracted to elephants.” Anything at all. The point is, answering these questions normally isn’t usually helping you.
- Know more about Japan than anime and sushi. It helps if you know specific and interesting aspects of Japanese culture. You’ll never be more Japanese than a Japanese person, but it does help to at least seem acclimatized and aware of the culture beyond a fetishist perspective. If you know some celebrities or fashion brands, this can help. Pick up some Japanese magazines and have a look at the kind of thing Japanese people think about.
- Build yourself an interesting life. This is pretty important, but often overlooked. You want to be attractive and meet more Japanese women, but don’t neglect the other aspects of your life. You should be doing something fitness-related, you should know how to cook a couple basic recipes, you should be visiting new things or places every week, you should be reading, and you should have male and female friends (especially Japanese). When you’re texting a Japanese girl just send her pictures of your cool life! It helps if you’re busy as well, as free time isn’t usually seen as a positive thing in Japanese culture.
- Pay attention to your appearance. Fashion and grooming are very important in Japanese culture. The basics: shower semi-regularly, smell nice, shave / groom, wear clothes that fit and don’t have holes in them. Take a look at the Japanese guys who are walking with the girls you like. Chances are, they’re pretty well put together. It can take a while to get a decent wardrobe, but if you deck it out with things that aren’t too cheap, it will be worth it and more Japanese girls will start to notice you.
- Have a social circle. Don’t get caught up only running around with foreigners. Mix it up and bring in some Japanese people in there too. You ideally should have female friends who you’re not trying to have sex with, as well as cool Japanese guy friends.
- Pull the trigger. When you get a Japanese girl out on the date, make a move and pull the trigger. She will respect you as a man if you do. ‘Nuff said.