Today I’m going to talk about three kinds of commitment which are only loosely related to each other, but which are all directly related to game, pickup, and the path of becoming a social, sexually attractive man in his prime.
1. Commitment to the Interaction
One of the biggest initial hurdles guys face when learning to do cold approach is asserting their presence. For guys who started off shy (such as myself), it can be difficult really committing to an interaction fully. Instead, they attempt to make an overly casual or half-hearted approach.
In their minds, this can be a form of hedging your bets and protecting the ego. If you don’t really commit to the interaction then she can’t really reject you – it wasn’t really a blowout!
On top of that, guys rationalize making weak approaches because they don’t want to “bother” or “harass” the woman. Of course, the MOST bothersome and harassing approaches are those which don’t even have the balls to be committed to the approach itself!
Women often talk about “creepy” guys, and often those guys fall into a couple specific categories.
First, guys they just aren’t sexually interested in. Approaches by guys they consider attractive are welcomed, and those they consider not attractive are “creepy,” and that’s just par for the course. Unfortunately, we have no idea whether our approach will be seen as creepy or a gift from the divine. But that also means it’s never your fault for approaching, no matter the reaction.
There is no mistake in making an approach on your end since we are not psychic creatures. We don’t want to “jump the gun” and make vast sweeping assumptions about any given girl before we approach (such as whether she’s interested, busy, has a boyfriend, is a lesbian, etc) precisely because we cannot know for sure. Rather, make the approach, commit to it, and find out yourself. Better yet, assume the truth you want to be reality (she is single and interested in YOU!) and watch the self-fulfilling prophecy manifest.
The second group of guys women most commonly find creepy are guys who are incongruent and inconsistent in their approach (or lack thereof). Examples of this are the much-maligned (and rightfully so) “nice guys” who try to use the trojan horse of “friendship” and “sympathy” to slip some sneaky penis into the woman, as if she won’t recognize the tactic for what it is – a cowardly non-approach. Another example would be guys who “linger” or “leer” at girls from nearby, clearly desiring to talk to the girl, yet not ballsy enough to actually make a proper approach.
What can we learn from these cases?
We are not psychic.
Well, to put it simply, don’t worry about being psychic as to if she would or would not like you, just walk up and commit to your approach to a woman. This means approach and make her deal with the fact of your approach. Do not be brushed off like a little gnat. If it’s a woman who you like and are interested in, make yourself known to her. Assert your presence, respectfully.
Often on the streets of Japan, there is so much stimulus and so many people talking to each other on the streets (scouts, touts, sales people, etc), that the girl won’t even fully realize you’re actually approaching her right away. By using your presence, tonality, and calm body language while mirroring and matching her pace and energy levels, you can alert her to the fact that you are actually approaching her and she should respond in some way (whether that is to have a conversation or reject you).
In 99% of cases, even if she isn’t interested, she will still respect the fact that you took yourself by the balls and went up and talked to her directly and not in a weak manner.
However you cannot succeed if you are not getting rejected. And to succeed OR be rejected you must first be noticed. This is non-negotiable. Pain and pleasure are inextricably linked together. The only way to avoid pain is to also avoid true pleasure, and with both, self-improvement. The only out is the comfort of inaction.
You are allowed a life of video games, YouTube, television, etc. But for anything worth having, you need to grind. Hustle. And to grind means to embrace the pain along with the pleasure. And that starts with approaching and embracing the blowout. FEELING the blowout. Allowing yourself to be blown out like a MAN. Because it’s through that blowout that the success and improvement will come.
2. Commitment to the Path
The second form of commitment in regards to game is commitment to the PATH of game. I take a lot of time here on (and spend time thinking about) the path of game. The path here is a metaphor which intends to convey that success with women is a journey, not a one-and-done action. It’s a process which requires repeated submission to.
This is in stark contrast to the idea of the “red pill,” which is one of my most hated metaphors in “the community.” The red pill seems to indicate a direct before-and-after change, as if you are either in or out. Well, the brutal truth of it is, a lot of guys who follow the “red pill movement” and consider themselves red pill and alpha don’t have a fucking clue. They simply want to belong to an in-group. I’d far rather hang out with a naturally cool, social guy who likes women but hasn’t read a game book or article in his life than some random internet keyboard warrior who is “red pill” enlightened and thinks about alphas and betas constantly while trolling all the pickup forums in the world.
So back to commitment to the path. There have been several junctions along the way at which I’ve had two options – either to take an “out,” whether that came in the form of a cool girl who wanted to be my girlfriend (and there’s nothing wrong with that, to be sure), another life choice that would have taken me down a different path, or something else – OR to “double down” on game. And at almost all of those junctions, I’ve chosen the “double down” on game option.
Got blocked or ghosted by a chick you were really feeling? Double down. Go clubbing three nights in a row.
Boss throw you a curveball at work? Double down on game. Rampage the streets for a whole month and meet some cuties that’ll take your mind off it.
The point here is just that game is something (if you want to get REALLY good) that you have to continually re-invest into. Each time you choose to put time and energy into it, you’ll get better. And if you think you can just put a little time in and have deep personal change, you’re probably wrong.
Game is a path, like anything else worth pursuing – weight training, meditation, any major sport or skill, etc.
Each of these worthwhile pursuits has a long series of setbacks, small victories, and “opportunities” to diverge from the path. Fair enough, you’re free to leave at any point. BUT if you do leave, you’re abandoning the rewards that come – and the largest rewards are stacked towards the end of the path.
The beginning is the hardest. It’s not for the faint of heart. At the beginning, the rejections are plentiful and harsh. You will need to suffer them graciously and develop a sense of masochistic pleasure in the rejections. Your ability to do this is directly correlated to your long-term success in game.
I’m not going to lie – a lot of guys bitch out. They get a few rejections and just stop. Stop going out. Stop approaching. Stick to easy venues.
BUT if you keep at it. If you double down every chance you get. If you persist and continually submit to the process, you will achieve things you though impossible. And you can’t put a price on the feeling of attaining things you never thought could be attained. It’s worth more than anything money can buy.
3. Commitment to One Girl
I’m pretty sure most, if not all, guys have heard, in some form or another, the sentence “You have commitment issues.” Or “When will you grow up and be able to commit.”
I know I have.
And I get it. After you’ve banged a lot of girls within a few short minutes of meeting them, they give you a kiss on the cheek and thank you before leaving to meet their boyfriend, you start to wonder just what does it actually MEAN to commit to a relationship with one person?
Can you actually TRUST these girls? After all, you’ve seen countless girls tell you they either do or don’t have a boyfriend based on convenience in the moment rather than actual fact.
Not to mention the entire long-winded debate of whether monogamy is even natural or the preferred outcome or merely a social construct of capitalism and patriarchy.
But whatever you think about monogamy and marriage, there certainly are periods in your life where it’s normal and healthy to be dating one girl exclusively. It’s 100% up to you, and as a lecherous pimp myself, I support your decision whatever it may be.
Don’t make the mistake that nearly ALL people are making around the world.
Most people end up playing a slightly more complex version of musical chairs with their partners, whereby you end up dating whoever you are sitting next to when the “music” of your career, school, and hobbies align and slam you and a very limited amount of people in the same environment together. Date Jenny, she’s nice and sitting next to you already. Why not?
Why not commit your ENTIRE LIFE to this girl who fate shoved into your lap? Yeah, sounds like a great idea.
Well what’s the alternative? The alternative, for those who have the ability and cojones to meet women anywhere and everywhere they exist – aka gamers who do cold approach – is to actively choose from many women who are already your type, one woman who is SO MUCH your type that she puts the others to shame. In other words:
When you choose to commit to one person, make sure you commit from a place of abundance, not scarcity.
You should have a life full of options and loads of casual sex coming straight to your door any day of the week and THEN decide that ALL of that is worth less than a deep, fulfilling relationship with this one particular girl of your choosing.
Most people don’t live a life by design. But you can. And when it comes to your dating life, cold approach is the most liberating tool you could possibly conceive of.