Many men come to Tokyo to find the most beautiful Japanese girls, but they often end up frustrated when their dates don’t end how they’d like.
A source of frustration among many a foreign man is the huge gap between perception (Asian women are easy / like me for just being foreign) and reality – most Japanese women have only ever imagined their potential future mate to be a Japanese man.
For the purpose of this article, I’m going to be talking about the more Japanese-type girls, who generally don’t speak more than a couple words of English, might not even have a passport, or if so have only been to Bali or Guam or similar Japanese-friendly countries, and don’t particularly care too much about the world outside of Japan. In general (vast generalization incoming!), the more attractive a woman is the more she is rewarded by the society in which she grew up, which in turn means she has less incentive to branch out and seek foreign things because everything she could ever want (jobs, money, love, and lots of sex) is thrown at her every minute of the day.
In my experience, generally speaking, most foreigners are with or target girls who are primarily English-speaking, foreigner friendly types found in foreigner places like Roppongi, international parties, language exchange sites, etc. More wild generalizations, but often these girls (though there can be attractive ones) are in some sense of the word “rejects” from Japanese culture. Girls with physical body types that are not attractive to Japanese men but foreigners still like (for example – large asses or thin “usui” eyes and faces). Combine this with the fact that FOB foreigners think a Japanese girl 5 is actually a 8 simply by virtue of the fact that she’s not fatand you see a lot of foreigners walking around happily with trolls. The attractive foreign-friendly girls are generally international school graduates or high-end hostesses, which means they come from money and have education. Education alone is a poor indicator though, as a quick trip to Waseda or Aogaku will show you, with their vast expanses of homely kurogami sutore-to girls. The money is important too.
This post is geared towards the more traditionally Japanese girls, the subset which contains both the largest chunk of, and the most attractive (at least according to Japanese standards) girls – the kind of girls you see working in Lumine, 109, at nail/ hair salons, kyabajo, etc etc. With all that in mind, lets get into it.
1. Speak Japanese
Drr this is obvious. If you aren’t studying, start now. And if you’ve lived here more than 3 years and can only still say your name and have trouble interacting with clerks at the conbini, I just dont even know what you’re doing with your life. If you live in a country, learn the language. Common sense, and its been said before but also *very* important for dating.
2. Understand her world
This is equally huge, but maybe a little easier than learning an entire language. You have to know about the girls you’re interested in and what their daily life consists of. If she’s a kyabajo, what days does she generally have off? When are good times to suggest a date? How does she spend her time and money?
The easiest way to learn about all of these things is by asking everybody about them. Ask guys, girls, anyone you meet – what do they spend their time and money doing, and why. What are their goals, fears, values, and beliefs.
Another way to figure this stuff out is to go into a conbini and check out a magazine targeting the type of girls you like. If you like 派手 / night life / apparel / kyaba like me, check out 小悪魔ageha .. if you like more black-haired traditional girl-next-door アメーカジ type girls look in CanCam, for example. If you dont know what you like flip through a few magazines until you find girls you like. Then, take some time learning as much as you can. You don’t have to buy the magazine, but its probably a good idea since theres a ton of information and you might need time to decipher the kanji. You can even take it in to a Japanese tutor (nice if its a female!) and get translations and her opinion on it. Often these kinds of magazines have long-winded surveys about their ideal kind of guys and what they do and how they treat her.
Similar to this is to consume as much media as possible. Ameblo, used correctly is a HUGE trove of knowledge that you can dig through if you know what you’re looking for. TV as well.. I dont watch it but I know people who do and its good to know the main characters / shows / new fads and humor. Movies as well serve as excellent double language practice and culture / intonation. Lots of foreign men have horrible voice tone in Japanese and speak very feminized due to anime / female Japanese teachers / friends. Watch some Takeshi Kitano, Takashi Miike, and old Mifune Toshiro movies are both entertaining, and highly masculine. Take notes from them, not girly hosts and boyish anime characters.
This is a HUUUUGE part of success with Japanese girls. You should ideally be getting girls saying stuff like すごい、良く知ってるね！or あたしより知ってるね！ with looks of amazement. <– this tells you that her image of foreigners (FOB gaijin smash guys who dont really know what she’s about and think any J girl is easy) is wrong, and she’s delighted. You’re exceeding her expectations.
Theres much more that could be said about understanding her world, but I’ll leave it at that for now.
3. Plan your date for success
This is pretty obvious, but I still see lots of guys falling into this trap. Either doing the date on her terms (where she suggests / etc) or in a place that has a low chance of conversion to sex. Your date (yes, the first), should be either near your house, her house (if you have balls!), or a love hotel / karaoke / park bathroom / dark alley / you get the idea. It helps if you live on the Yamanote line or near it at a nice neighborhood like Ebisu / Meguro or Minatoku. There’s no reason to think you should wait – unless the girl is VERY inexperienced, they usually know what’s up, and if she’s out on a date with you it means she likes you and sex IS on the table.
4. Don’t expect too much, but go for it to see anyway!
Don’t expect your date to end in sex. But, always make the move. As a man, its your role to try to escalate things sexually, and as a woman, she will say no if she doesn’t want it.
5. No PDA
Don’t try anything in public, it just hurts your chances of seeing her again / getting her to come back to your place / a hotel. Wait until you’re behind closed doors, then make your move. In a way, this can take a lot of pressure off. Go to the izakaya / restaurant / whatever, and budget 1-2 hours to just have fun, talk, and forget about “whats going to happen”.
This also should be obvious, but you are the leader. You invite her out, you pick the venue, you tell the waiter how many people even if the waiter asks the girl (common), you order the food, you tell her when its time to leave the first venue, you go for the kiss, etc. Japanese girls like and respect leadership, and they don’t want to feel like they have to decide things.
7. Find out her values
Somewhat similar, and a lot easier if you’ve done the background work of step 2. Every girl has values which inform her life choices. Understanding them and her is not only the most effective method for getting her in bed, its the key to a successful love life. The problem is that without effort and conscious awareness and thought, guys take WAY too long to understand the girl and her values. THIS IS WHY girls don’t have sex on earlier dates with those guys, because they don’t feel understood, and feel like its かるい. If you can understand the girl more than even some of her close friends after just a couple hours, then you should be able to easily take her home.
The easiest way to explain the process of finding out her values is to “follow the trail of why”. For everything she does, you can follow the trail of why all the way down to her values. So she has really nice nail art. IF you’ve done your work in step 2 you know its probably about １万円 per month, which is a sizeable chunk of change. Why does she do that? Its valuable to her and tied into her self-worth and appearance. If she has nail art, there are some professions that she has higher chance of working in and some less (if you don’t know already this is a huge clue). She’s not going to be a nurse, dental hygienist, este worker, CA, and probably not an OL. What might she be?
Thats just one example, but the process is the same for everything she thinks and does. Why does she do it? What does that mean about her? If you can figure this out without her spelling it out for you, you have a head start. She will feel like you really truly understand her more than most other guys (which, if you do all that, you do!).
Also very important are her relationships and her self-image.
Why did she break up with her last boyfriend?
What kind of person do her friends think she is? Is it accurate or inaccurate? Is she happy or sad to be thought of in this way?
Is she more a mommas girl or a daddys girl? Why?
8. Actually like the girl
This is again obvious, but sometimes guys get too hung up on wanting sex, and without trying to understand the girl they might end up thinking (at worst) that in front of them is the generally stupid / frivolous / annoying young girl who is the guardian of your goal: her vagina. This is the absolute worst way of thinking of women and the date, and surprise surprise, also not very effective!
The best way to actually like the girl (and I mean beyond physically here) is to make a list of character traits you’re looking for in an ideal partner. Then, when you discover that she has one of those things, say it!
“I really like how you’re adventurous and try new things! Thats cool!”
It’s also good to have negative expressions when she doesn’t meet your expectations, but for now just focus on the positive. Importantly, it shouldn’t be about her body. “You look pretty” or “You have nice eyes” may seem like a good thing to say, but it’s readily apparent after 5 seconds, which means she’s been told that a million times and is very used to it. Think about how you feel when you get some drunk salaryman come up to you and go “WHERR FROMM???” for the 50th time that night. Yeah, no surprise it isn’t endearing.
9. Have fun!
Duh. Have fun! At the end of the night maybe you get laid, maybe not. But if you have fun, you can always take that with you and you will regret the whole night less if you relax and enjoy it.
Alright, theres way more that could be said about all of these but I’ll save it for another time if people are interested in this kind of thing. For starters, hope you guys like it!