1. The Shepherd
This is the most straightforward of frames in this list, and the one you should probably devote the most energy to if you’re struggling with leading. You are the shepherd. The women (and everyone else) are your sheep. Disregard common notions of hierarchy, supremacy, or privilege which are summoned by the concept “shepherd” or “leader”. I want to focus on the duty and responsibility, and at times, burden of leadership.
Notice: when you plan dinner / meetings / events / etc, is it you who chooses the venue / restaurant / time? Is it you who is walking in front and guiding the group? Is it you who decides when it’s time to get another drink and when it’s time to call it a night? If the answer to these is yes, you tend to become the default leader. If the answer is no, work on those. As default leader, you have tremendous responsibility. It’s your job to, for example, ensure everyone has fun and the night is successful (as much as possible). If you open three girls on the street by yourself, you take them under your wing for as long as the interaction lasts. If you’re a neglectful leader (overly focus on one girl as the others get bored, etc), you will be deposed and they will be on their merry way. If you’re a despotic leader (shame girls, blame them for problems with your own leadership), they will similarly revolt, and you’ll be left with your dick in your hands.
A shepherd cannot harm his sheep, because he is invested in their well-being. If the sheep stray, he does not attack or berate them, but forgives them while firmly reminding them of the correct path. If your plan doesn’t work out for some reason (no seats at the restaurant, someone gets ill/cancels, it rains) the leader should NEVER be the first to get negative or reactive, and especially NEVER blame your charges. They put their faith in your leadership, and if you challenge them on this, they’ll never follow you again. The leader has been challenged, and the correct response is to authoritatively provide a graceful, new plan that satisfies as many requirements and keeps as many people happy as possible.
2. The Gold Miner
Every woman has an interesting aspect to her. If you find yourself thinking, this girl is boring, chances are it’s actually YOU who is boring because you’re not eliciting the best aspects of her. A great way to approach women is to imagine yourself as a gold miner, trying to dig past all the fluff and inert rock matter, and get to the gold nuggets of her personality. Behind the black-haired conformist daigakusei who loves Disney might lie a middle-school cutter, a secret trail runner, a girl who wants to try living in Mongolia, or someone who was on the all-Japan tango team three years back. You’re never quite sure who you’re dealing with, and even the most mild-mannered, plain girls can have some quite intense or interesting pasts.
It’s not about what questions you ask (although those can help), its about how you interact with her on a deeper level, slicing through to the core of her values and essence, and eliciting a mood where she feels comfortable to disclose her inner gold. So rather than thinking to yourself this girl is boring, or shallow, think to yourself, what kind of mood can I create where she will reveal her awesomeness? What kind of mood can I create where I can BE awesome. Create that mood where both you and her can express yourself, and sit back and watch the magic happen.
I’ve been told I often seem bored. And in interactions with women, I’m the same way. I go through the conversation, but don’t really hang onto her every word. But when something piques my interest and I catch a glimmer of gold in something she says or get a hint as to where it might be buried and how to probe it out, my focus snaps instantly onto her and this attention subtly rewards her for revealing interesting characteristics of herself. Then, when I’m whipping my dick out on her after knowing her for under two hours, both she and I know that it’s not shallow, and there are actual parts of HER specifically that I do like.
3. “Let’s see what happens”
“Will she like me?” “Is that her boyfriend walking semi-near her, or just some random dude?” “She looks like she hates foreigners” “I’m not in state” “I need to warm up” “There’s no way this is going to end in sex, she’s with 10 friends”
There are lots of things to think about just before or while talking to a lady. Most of them are just noise telling you why you will fail. Instead, leave yourself open to possibility. Is she walking fast because she’s in a rush and doesn’t want to be bothered? Let’s see what happens. Maybe she is always in a hurry, but would love for someone cool to come up and make her day. Did she invite you to a party with a bunch of her friends? Sure you could follow “conventional wisdom” and tell her private date or bust (and I’m not saying it’s wrong), or you could throw yourself into the mix and see what happens.
“Let’s see what happens” is outcome dependence. “Let’s see what happens” is throwing yourself into the chaos with the confidence that you can surf it effectively and make something interesting happen. “Let’s see what happens” is freedom.
What if the girl and three friends are getting in a cab at 5am going the opposite way from where you live. The girl motions for you to get in. You could imagine all the money, time and energy you might waste, or you could just think “Let’s see what happens.” At the very worst, you gain a learning experience, and at best, well, maybe her friends all jump out of the taxi and she just cruises straight to her place and you bang until the next night… or even maybe they all pull you into a hotel room since they’ve conspired to use you as their toy for the night! Who knows what happens, but if you follow conventional wisdom which says don’t follow the girl, don’t go out of your way, etc, you will never know.
4. The Sand Castle and the Sea
As a child, I used to go to the ocean and build sand castles. The whole car ride to the beach I’d think of various ways I’d make a stronger castle which would hold back the ocean longer – higher, thicker walls, drainage ditches, moats, double, triple walls and dykes. But of course, no matter how strong I built the castle, the ocean always won.
When girls put up defenses or obstacles in your way to banging them, you smile knowingly, since of course it is in their nature to try to stop the unstoppable, but ultimately, its but a cute, futile attempt. Maybe her walls will best one wave, but three waves later a bigger wave is coming. So when she makes excuses, says she’s on her period so she can’t have sex, turn the cheek on your kiss, says no to giving you the LINE the first time you ask, you inner ocean smiles and exudes confidence that given time, you win. Nice try.
Disclaimer: Rape isn’t cool, kids. There’s a difference between excuses and an actual firm “no”. If she tries to get away, leave your house, swerves to avoid you a couple times on the street, walks away from you in the club several times, let her be. Feel free to laugh maniacally with the comforting knowledge that she, or one better than her, will be back, and their defenses will fall. After all, it’s inevitable.
5. The Arbiter of Weird
The Arbiter of Weird means that YOU, not her or any other dude, decide what is strange/abnormal and what is normal. Examples:
A. You try to bounce her after 5 minutes talking to her to a love hotel. She looks at you incredulously and says “Are you serious? Japanese people don’t do that.”
B. You try to kiss her on the first date. She cheeks you and says “Charai! You have to kokuhaku first and be my boyfriend!”
C. You try to initiate a threesome and the girls look at you like “What? I’m not a lesbian!”
At these points, they are questioning your frame. They are saying, this doesn’t match my experience, you must be weird or abnormal, especially since you’re gaijin. But, as the Arbiter of Weird, YOU get to choose what is weird and what is normal.
A. “Of course they do. Come.”
B. “All my serious ex-girlfriends I had sex with on the first date.”
C. “Neither am I. Most girls have kissed other girls before.. you havent? You’re WEIRD!
A surprised and bewildered look throws the frame back into your control.
The Arbiter of Weird is EXTREMELY powerful, but also, like everything else, takes calibration. You don’t want to alienate girls, just hold your frame. Remember, after all, they’re sheep under your wing, so while they may be weird for denying the advances of a rugged stud like yourself, you still have their best interests at heart. You recognize that they mean well despite their limited life experience, and you’re willing to show them the light.
The Arbiter of Weird also extends to further cases, such as
The Arbiter of Delicious – You can EAT that?
The Arbiter of Cool – Mullets are awesome. Don’t care what you say.
The Arbiter of Fun – WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
There we go. 5 frames to pump your pimping, hope you enjoyed